Having a random hookup so left but love u
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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