I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
