conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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