Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
