yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
