It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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