Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
