Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
