rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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