Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
