You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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