I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
