between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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