My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm at about main and main street
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
