I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I forget how to act sober
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
