I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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