I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
