I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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