I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
