Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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