found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
