she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
