oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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