I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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