so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
