I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
