once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
