Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
