i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
