I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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