Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize
