Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize