Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
