you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
