Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
