i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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