i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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