Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
