why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
