I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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