I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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