I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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