Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
