so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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