My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
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She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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