I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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