It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
