but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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