she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
