dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
