wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
