today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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