If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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