I just cut my nipple shaving
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
