This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
