Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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