whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
