On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
