We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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