I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
