My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
