i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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