when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
