If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
