dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
