Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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