Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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