Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i drank out of a bidet.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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