Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This gyro tastes like lonliness
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
