There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
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Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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