my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
