I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
