You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
