when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
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