if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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